


from the top of the first page to the end of the last day

by Mia_Zeklos



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Bittersweet, Feelings, Jalec Secret Santa 2019, M/M, Parabatai Bond, Post-Canon, but just barely seeing as it addresses some of the... events of the time jump in the finale, it's a Back To Square One situation in a lot of ways and that's really all there is to it, which also feels like a convenient blanket tag whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:20:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22023241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mia_Zeklos/pseuds/Mia_Zeklos
Summary: Over a year after the war ends, Alec comes home. In a way, despite his best efforts, nothing at all has changed.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Comments: 9
Kudos: 32





	from the top of the first page to the end of the last day

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alxndrlightwoods](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alxndrlightwoods/gifts).



> Hello all! Long time no see! My main intention with this fic was to essentially explore a 'okay, all is well, what now?' situation given the material that the finale left us with. Title taken from [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRralTaPR9I), because it's terribly fitting.
> 
> This is a gift for @alxndrlightwoods for the Jalec Secret Santa over on tumblr. I am terribly sorry for the delay; multiple factors got in the way. Marry (belated) Christmas and a happy New Year and I hope you enjoy this! Feedback is, as always, most welcome.

A little over a year after everything had changed – six months after Alec had moved to Idris – Alec feels something _shift_.

As far as changes go, it hadn’t been a particularly easy one; not when it comes to him and Jace, at least. Clary’s abrupt departure – Jace’s knowledge that he had lost her, likely for good, even if Clary herself hadn’t been aware of it anymore – had left him somewhat at a loss. Grief is the worst sort of enemy, he thinks even now. There’s nothing he can do to fight it or keep it at bay and what little he had offered had never seemed to be enough. In the end, he’d stopped offering, less out of resentment than out of the acute realisation that Jace might need the time alone.

He can’t give him that, of course, not entirely – they’re never truly on their own where the other is concerned – but he had stepped away all the same; had tried to drown them both in how ecstatic he’d been to receive his new position, how distracted he’d been with the changes, so that nothing else would remain on the surface, at least for a time. It had very nearly worked. Jace had had his own duties to get back to and a changing Institute to take care of alongside with Izzy and for a time, Alec had thought that that might just be the end of it.

For a time.

The undercurrent of his parabatai’s desperate efforts to keep himself going despite everything (it had just been the one thing, ever since the start, but it did feel like _everything_ in his mind and it had started consuming Alec as well, bit by bit) had become somewhat of a backdrop to his days _. Get through all the work for the day, come home, dinner with Magnus, check in on the family, check in on Jace_ – it’s as close to a routine as any he’s had back in New York and it had kept him comfortable enough at first. It had been a fragile balance where Jace had been concerned, as Alec had tried to navigate the ground between showing that he’d cared and the sickly, stifling sort of concern that would only sting further, but he had managed.

For a time.

It’s a funny thing; nothing had seemed different last night. Jace had given him a quick retelling on the happenings in the Institute for the last few days and the limited view Alec had had of him through the screen of his laptop hadn’t seemed to bring any change. His parabatai had been the same as usual, too, within the boundaries of what he’d accepted as his new usual – slightly restless and a touch distracted, as if getting through the motions of a report had suddenly become a chore. It’s not much of a surprise, considering his usual soft spot for a more free approach to their work and for a brief moment, Alec had tried to fuel some enthusiasm back into him by brushing against his consciousness with a stray thought he can’t afford to say out loud. _Wish I could have seen it myself_.

Jace’s voice had faltered, eyes flickering back to his parabatai’s hesitantly before he’d soldiered on through the rest of his statistics. Unlike Alec, he’d never been too fond of biting his tongue. “It was just a regular mission.”

“I’m sure.” Alec had started fiddling with his ring, then, eager for a distraction. “I still haven’t had one of those in months.”

“Good! You’re doing a great job in Idris, then.”

His frame had gone rigid, the lazy smile slipping away in favour of a scowl despite what might have been Jace’s first genuine smile in a while. It had felt wasteful, responding to his mirth like this when he could have used it to encourage him instead, but, “It’s not funny, Jace.”

His parabatai had schooled his features back into a semblance of a sombre expression, though the good-natured mocking glint in his eyes had remained. The last time demons had swarmed in the skies of their ancestral home, the world had come crashing down right after. “I know. I _know_. I’m just saying,” he’d gestured towards him aimlessly, as if it would explain anything at all. “You shouldn’t take it for granted; not crawling in the New York tunnels day by day.”

There’s no holding it back down, much to his misfortune. “I think I took it for granted while it was still happening.”

“You’re always welcome to visit. You said you were coming home for Christmas, weren’t you?” Had Jace been standing next to him, he’d have likely nudged him with an elbow in an effort to needle him on, as if he’d ever truly needed it. With that exact smile, dimmed as it might be at first, Jace had sold him numerous atrocious ideas over the years, from the day they’d first met to the day of their separation as he’d departed for Idris for good. The distance between them had seemed wider than ever, all of a sudden, even if they’re a single magical barrier away from one another. The thought of it had tormented Alec at first, whenever he’d been at his office – the possibility of returning to the Institute at night because nothing would have to change quite so drastically that way. In the end, it had become obvious that he wouldn’t be allowed to have it both ways, but the idea had lingered in the back of his mind, as treacherous as any of them tended to be when Jace was the one fuelling them. “Good a time as any.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

He still intends to, truly, on the morning of Christmas Eve as he prepares himself for the trip back to New York. The city is the approximate distance of a single step through the portal, but it’s not one he takes lightly – with Magnus staying behind (he’d needed a _warning_ and he’d had an _appointment_ , clearly, and Alec would rather wait it out in the Institute so that they waste the least possible time) and the need for a more prolonged stay than he would have usually allowed himself, he’d packed enough luggage to last him a week and his bow along with it all, rather excited at the prospect that Jace had thrown in his direction. It would be good, seeing him in person again, and Alec intends to handle it as carefully as possible. He had missed him, so much that it’s nearly a physical pain, but it wouldn’t do to let it show. It’s supposed to be different now, for Jace’s sake if nothing else. His emotions – or the way he handles them, really – had had the chance to mellow out somewhat over the last year. They had both changed nearly beyond recognition; rushing into his parabatai’s presence as if they’re still nearly children and newly bonded, shouldn’t be something for him to hold himself _back_ from.

And yet, as he makes his way to the room with the portal, he can feel the telltale signs of Jace’s excitement; just tendrils of it, delicate and tentative, but _present_. Alec had dreamt of something similar last night, with his parabatai in the middle of it – a bright, explosive bit of hope and joy and love, infectious and a dash frightening – and it only occurs to him now that it could have been _real_. He’d become so used to the new, muted demeanour that his parabatai had resorted to that it’s a stark change (or a _return_ , more like, to a different time, whether he’d like to admit it or not), but one that he welcomes gladly. Perhaps it’s the prospect of the closeness they’d indulge again that makes the bond swirl around him in a tighter grip than he’d usually let it have – it’s nearly painful otherwise and there’s only so much that he can take without letting himself be entirely torn apart between Idris and New York – but he’s not in the mood to explore what precisely it’s a consequence of. It’s much easier to just rejoice in it for once and, without a moment of hesitation, Alec sinks in the space between the city he should have started calling home by now and the mundane world.

And stops.

“Alec?”

“Parabatai.” It’s a much better greeting than his name would ever be and Alec drops his suitcase to the polished Institute floor and strides forward, careless of the amount of thought he’d put into his appearance today or the fact that Jace is still in his sweat-soaked clothes from the morning training, careless of his position and the protocol that he should have followed, of anything but him. “ _Jace_. I wanted to call—”

“I’m glad you didn’t.” And he’s _laughing_ for the first time in so long that it feels like the sun finally breaking through the clouds, showering him in his warmth. He had seemed happy even before he’d spotted him, from the glimpse Alec had had of him before he’d been noticed, but whatever had caused it had made _this_ even better, he can tell; as if everything had fit back into its place.

Alec’s eyes close on their own volition as his parabatai’s arms wrap around him on instinct, the iron grip they have on each other almost desperate in its intensity. There’s nothing mellow about it at all, now that he’s actually here – his soul might as well be soaring, free and unrestrained and feather-light. He’d almost forgotten the feeling. He’d almost never felt it at all, given the guilt that it had carried before. He’s past feeling guilty for anything at all – Jace is here, _here_ , and he might never let go again.

“I have news,” Jace says into his shoulder, but doesn’t pull away to share them. “After more than a year— You’re not gonna believe this.”

“I’m sure I won’t.” Whatever it is, it’s making him ecstatic and whoever had caused it, Alec owes them more than they could possibly comprehend, but for now, he keeps his parabatai close. “You can tell me all about it.”

This time, he’s giving himself all the time in the world.


End file.
